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Despite my many years (ha ha) I am new or inexperienced in all things social.�� Last week, for the first time ever and much to my amazement, I connected with a woman at a club I visit now and then and we spent the night together.� I like this woman; I find her intriguing and beguiling.�� We exchanged contact information and she said she wanted to see me again, under different terms.�� This I assumes means outside the bedroom so we can get to know each other, which I am happy to do.

However, after that initial exchange (via email after the night in question)�there has been nothing and I fear, for whatever reason, this will become a one night thing only.

�

Maybe I disappointed her, maybe, she has regrets.

Maybe I just need to be more patient.� I�will give her�a few days and inquire once more.

If it is to be only a one night thing only I do hope she has no regrets and I have at least learned something about myself:�I do not like one night stands.�� Never again.

I am probably saying things I shouldnapos;t online.� Exposing myself and what not but I have hidden behind my mind for far too long and perhaps a little exposure will do me well.

WDW

�

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I sold the Xmixes in DDR�X short. Though I�appreciated the nod to the Dancemania days that most of the Xmixes are, Xmix 5 (Overcrush) is way different and really awesome. A 15, it consists of on the bounce, On The Break, Saber Wing (Akira Ishihara Headshot Mix), Horatio, Trigger, Pluto Relinquish and Pluto. Seamless transitions from one song to the next and featuring some of the best parts of each songapos;s respective Expert chart. 1003 Max Combo. Holy crackers, gurreat joub Konami And I mean it this time, gureat joub. I have a feeling though that due to the songs contained in the Xmixes, they wonapos;t be in any other version of DDR�X, at least not as they are now. Maybe theyapos;ll find their way into the AC and/or JP CS releases with other songs in place of the ones that are DDR�X�US�only.
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Last night my Aunt Monnie said to me...

"If you keep dwelling on what you love about that one person who youapos;ll never have, youapos;re never going to see all the beautiful things in the person that you can have whoapos;s standing right in front of you...what are you so scared of anyway Ryan?"

I canapos;t stop thinking about it.
I feel like I must be broken or something...

Iapos;ve put my guard up so high, that I donapos;t even know how to let it down...
Iapos;ve set standards for people that they will never be able to meet up to...
Iapos;m not just talking about dating...
Just relationships in a general way.

Iapos;m a very lonely person, and I donapos;t know how to fix it.
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Went to och again, and its the last time i am going to enter that place. I have went there for quite alot of times. Dont even know why we kept on wanting to�explore that�place. Firstly, we�do not even want�to have sight of such�things. And, theres no purpose for�us to explore that place.�We�may even disturb the death if there�is. So,�why are�we still going there when�actually we�dont even wanted to go. The trip was still unchanged, the same as the previous one.
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Today was such a pain. And Iapos;m tired of talking about how work seems to be nothing but a problem these past few days. I�want to have a day where things get finished, and weapos;re done ahead of schedule again and management doesnapos;t have to be disappointed. I�want to do my job�without any blunders.

I�also want to stay home tomorrow, but that isnapos;t going to happen either, is it?�XD

Anyways, my net is seriously acting up tonight. All of a sudden I�can only view pages sporadically while my computer says nothingapos;s wrong.

This reminded me of the fact that if Clearwire doesnapos;t stop being a bitch, I�may not have the Internet at all much longer. ;_; Gah. I hope I�can find a provider willing to take me. My only human contact these days is pretty much limited to my co-workers and my grandmother, so I�really depend on the net to fill the gap of lonliness left there. It would seriously suck if I�lost it.

God, I�canapos;t sleep. Itapos;s nearly six in the morning, and I�really should get to bed. (sigh)�If Iapos;m lucky, maybe we wonapos;t have a truck tomorrow.
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Mom just texted me that Krista has taken a serious turn for the worse and mom is taking her for "a final visit" right now. Iapos;m not exactly sure what that means - after Gramps mom swore up and down she would never put a pet down again, so I donapos;t know if she is going back on that now or if she is taking her to wherever Dad is so that he can see her before she goes.

(I know, I know, sometimes it is better to just end the suffering, but putting Gramps down was a horrible experience - I donapos;t know what happened exactly but it was all wrong and not at all what I was expecting, and it felt horribly violent and not gentle and easy at all, and it was just awful for both my mom and me so I understand her feelings).

This is not a surprise; Krista has had heart problems for a very long time, and she is old. I donapos;t know that her early life was all that great, but I know that since weapos;ve had her she has lived a very pampered life, loved and been loved, and I hope her final time is as easy as it can be for everyone involved. I would rather she had passed quietly in her sleep, but of course that is not always possible. Iapos;m upset but I feel so awful for my mom and dad right now.
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Finally, this week is over, at least in terms of exams
Monday: I had a midterm in my constitutional interpretation class that was based on the entire constitution and all the amendments, but the professorapos;s exam was extremely wordy, and he wanted us to know exactly what is literally written down, not what it means or what we use it for, making things more complicated.
Wednesday: class:voting behavior, Exam on book about us elections
Thursday: (today) midterm in economics and another midterm in intermediate Spanish

I have been studying since Saturday:S, but at least its over. Then this afternoon, I had an interview at the Hilton Hotel Restaurant, at the downtown Sacramento location. It went really well, the manager was from San Diego and saw I went to SDSU so he wanted to talk about the chargers, and he was like I am new here too, and wouldnapos;t stop talking for a while, but then was like I have more interviews but I need somebody like you who is going to care about their work and can cover other peoples jobs. I think so far my best and most promising interview, so hopefully I am joining the workforce again
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